Diatribe

What did I do to make you hate me, Lord?

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour  


I’ve written before about how no matter what lane of traffic I’m driving in it seems that those somewhere in front of me want to make a turn, causing me and the conga line trailing the turning vehicle to have to stop or slow down to a turtle’s pace. Meanwhile, the other lane looks like Turn 4 at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway.

What's your size?

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour  

As usually happens during the summer months there have been bunch of car shows ranging from high-performance models to classics. Generally the only time I pay attention to things like that is to find out where the shows are being held so I can make sure I don’t go that way. I hate crowds. But when there are literally thousands of classic and antique cars that show up in a city for an event as world-famous as Detroit’s Woodward Dream Cruise then it’s hard to avoid seeing these vehicles up close and personal.

Move it, Move it, Move it

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour      

Some time ago I wrote a rant about people who die at stoplights. Not literally, but by that I mean when the light turns green their reactions turn catatonic. At the time I wished sick, depraved and quite frankly, disturbing forms of punishment for those sitting there unmoving, thus taking away a few precious and possibly productive seconds of my life.

A steering wheel is not a clock

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour   

It’s been decades since I noticed the logo of a Dr. Pepper bottle. I say “bottle” because the last time I did notice one they were actually bottled in glass. On the logo were the numbers 10-2-4, laid out in a triangular pattern (an “equilateral” triangle as this sea hag I had for high school geometry — the only subject I ever failed — would describe).

Steady as she goes, captain

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour   

I have this dear friend whom I’ll call Jim (because to be honest, that’s his name) who I’m concerned may have a spastic foot. I say this because I drive with him often at the multitude of auto and truck reviewing programs we go to throughout the country, the world and even once, my beloved home state of Indiana, and seldom has he ever driven in a smooth fashion without having to resort to cruise control to make it happen.

Turn off that radio ... I want entertainment!!

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour   

It doesn’t take a South African Code Cracker to determine from my previous columns that I spend a lot of time behind the wheel, and a lot more time behind that wheel listening to the radio (forget calling them things like “car stereos” or “audio systems;” they’re radios, okay?!), and most of that time the radio is tuned in to a news station.

Complex audio systems for dummies

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour   

One of the nice things about reviewing vehicles is that most of them are loaded up with almost everything the manufacturer offers. This includes power everything, leather everything and appearance package everythings. But one of the real pluses is that they generally install their premium audio systems.

My own personal top 10 cars

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour      

It seems that everybody has their Top Ten list of something or another; their Top Ten Favorite Foods, Top Ten Girlfriends/Boyfriends, Top Ten Most Hated Things, etc. Since I’m an auto journalist of questionable repute I’m often asked my for my own Top Ten list of vehicles.

Lose a war ..... win market share

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour  

I seem to have a lot of time on my hands as evidenced by the nonsense I so easily write. I may have mentioned that when I sit down at my “piano” I literally have no idea what I’m going to write about. My modus operandi (or M.O. as you followers of Dragnet would know it as) is to lean back in my chair, have an epiphany and clear as a bell my topic seems to drop into my lap from cloud nine.

Sometimes you just gotta believe

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour   

It seems the ancient Greeks had a God for everything — war, the ocean, love, Feta Cheese, etc. If I weren’t so enmeshed in Sgt. Rock and Archie comic books when I was a youngster I might have paid more attention to ancient mythology. I do know that I’ve been putting a heavy burden on God, especially if there’s only one.