Diatribe

Get up to speed — or get out of my way!

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour      al@motorwayamerica.com

I seem to get behind a lot of vehicles that must be towing a loaded 53-foot trailer, because it sure takes them a long time to get up to speed. It must be punishment for childhood shenanigans. I am loath to know what I had done that earns me the personal distinction of trailing the only vehicles on the highway whose torque rating is in the low-single figures?

Toll roads — Modern day highwaymen

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour      al@motorwayamerica.com

Throughout history thievery has been commonly associated with transportation. Stage coaches were robbed repeatedly and often; trains were ravaged by roving gangs of bandits (and bad actors); and in a more personal confrontation, the infamous highwaymen would “earn their livings” stealing from travelers making their way through the wilderness.

Sticks and stones may break .... my windshield

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour        al@motorwayamerica.com

Have you ever been driving down the road, singing to yourself, “Doot doot do doot doot doot…life been good to me” when all of a sudden…crash…your windshield resembles an earthquake from those old dinosaur movies where the ground splits in two and animals and humans fall into the abyss? Chances are you’re driving in close proximity to a gravel-hauling truck. If your luck is as good as mine it’s a double-trailer gravel hauler.

Musings from a traffic jam

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour    al@motorwayamerica.com

I spend lots of time sitting in traffic and do way-too-much thinking. Following is a list of some things that run through my brain and cause me angst. (By the way, exactly what is “angst”?)

Exhaust cans — the aftermarket's black plague

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour  al@motorwayamerica.com

Alright, Readers…it’s time for a pop quiz.

Question — When it comes to listening to the noise of an exhaust can I would rather:
      A)  Be yelled at by my ex-wife
      B)  Stick my head inside an engine nacelle on a B-52
      C)  Be molested by that creepy Burger King guy
      D)  Watch a Sponge Bob Square Pants marathon
      E)  All of the above

Backup cameras and my ex-wife's attorney — equal credibility

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour    al@motorwayamerica.com

Ever since the first person had his body crushed in a car accident safety has been a high priority among the world’s auto manufacturers. Some have even made it a company charter, like Volvo. Through the years hundreds of thousands…if not millions of lives have been saved through safety innovations like three-point seat belts, airbags, crumple zones and various vehicle advancements like anti-lock brakes, all-wheel drive and all-weather tires.

Vile thoughts from the left seat

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour  al@motorwayamerica.com

In case any of you were concerned about my running out of driving-related things to hate…fear not. As long as there are traffic jams and people who insist on ruining my life by constantly making me slow down so they can make turns —– mostly like they’re dragging a 53’ Dorsey Trailer — there will always be moments for me to ponder my disdain for life as I know it.

The world was his drift pad

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour    al@motorwayamerica.com

Every year about this time I wax nostalgic about my upbringing in the great state of Indiana. And why do I go through this exercise? I don’t know. Actually I’m just making this up because I thought it would create a good lead. However, there is a point to this story.

Your turn signals are on, dummy!

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour    al@motorwayamerica.com

For years I’ve pounded the keyboard complaining about people who don’t use turn signals. I’ve even suggested to various municipalities that they use failure to signal laws as a revenue source that would far outperform speeding in terms of being a cash cow.

Hit and run — Murder behind the wheel

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour     
al@motorwayamerica.com

Maybe it’s just the positioning of the moon that affects the tides but it seems lately there’s an abnormal amount of hit and run incidents. Outside of driving while intoxicated I think there’s no greater travesty on our roads.