Diatribe

That lucky old sun, got nothin' to do but roll around heaven all day — and blind the hell out of me!!

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour        

Yesterday I was rushing home from a meeting because my wife told me she made deviled eggs. Normally I would wonder what she did to make her feel guilty enough to prepare my favorite treat but at this point I didn’t care. However, I was blinded by the sunlight reflecting off the Dodge in front of me and for a few seconds, lost sight of the road. I could have easily crashed and burned…meaning I never would have had my deviled eggs.

I’ll have to check with my manager…

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour 

Let’s say you’ve packed the family into the old truckster and you’re headed down to a car dealer to buy a new vehicle. What should be a happy adventure generally ends up requiring tranquilizers and/or adult beverages. Granted, most of those occurrences – though far from urban legend – are things of the past…mostly because the economy and the customer has demanded it. But for those of us who are a certain age the memories are loud and clear.

I'll take that one, and that one....

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour  

During my aviation days I had a dear friend at Pan American who used to read the Official Airline Guide like the rest of us read The Wall Street Journal, Rolling Stone or even Mad. To give a brief explanation, the OAG listed every flight in North America (there was also an international edition) by destination, airline and flight number, times of departure and arrival, aircraft type and number of stops if it were not a nonstop.

Hit and run — Murder behind the wheel

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour     


Maybe it’s just the positioning of the moon that affects the tides but it seems lately there’s an abnormal amount of hit and run incidents. Outside of driving while intoxicated I think there’s no greater travesty on our roads.

Is anybody driving that thing?

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour   

The other day I was driving down one of our major streets and got behind this older car. After a couple of blocks I started giving it a closer look and the first thought that went through my mind was, “Is anybody driving this thing?” I could not see anyone inside the vehicle. I even weaved back and forth to get different angles of approach and STILL couldn’t see anything.

Are deer just plain rebellious?

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour  


When one lives in places like Michigan, Indiana or Illinois there’s always a high number of accidents involving vehicles running into deer, and vice versa. There’s nothing like plowing into a 400-pound animal at 60 miles per hour on a totally dark highway to eradicate any need for caffeine to keep you awake.

Setting speed limits? Get real

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour 

Through the years I have addressed the subject of what determines the speed limit not only on local roads but on freeways. I’m not only old enough to remember what dinosaur poo smells like but also I vividly remember the hysteria surrounding the Arab oil boycott in the early-‘70s when the Federal Government decided in the interest of fuel conservation the national speed limit would be no greater than 55 mph.

Police chases are great entertainment

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour  

Maybe it’s because I grew up in Indiana that it takes so little to amuse me, I don’t know. Ever since I was a small child I can remember the encouragement I received from my family when they would individually and collectively inform me that I was not your average idiot.

Hold on there, cowboy

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour  

During the early days of my career I started traveling a lot to the West Coast, primarily to California. Besides the consistently warm weather and the excitement of being part of the state’s fantastically beautiful environment there were always two things I would look forward to: one was the spotting of so many vanity license plates that seemed to be unique to the Golden State. The other was right turns on red. What a concept!

Taken for a ride

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour   

Much has been made about the dissolvent of the family unit. Some blame it on video games while others may blame the high divorce rate and increasing number of one-parent households. I have given a lot of thought to this phenomenon, proving once again that my ex-wife was totally wrong when she accused me of being shallow. I think I have a credible answer — families don’t take rides together.