Diatribe

Hey pet hater, your dog is not an airbag

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour        
al@motorwayamerica.com

How many times have you been driving down the street and saw a vehicle coming toward you that looked like it was being driven by a dog?

No, you’re not high on Red Bull, my friend. You’re looking at an overt abuser of his pet and a danger to every other vehicle on the highway.

Has anyone seen our road repair money?

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al V
inikour   al@motorwayamerica.com

Most of the country has had a pretty severe winter (except Miami) and usually about this time sever
al events occur. The first is a joyous one for tire shops who are swamped with business because of damaged or ruined tires caused by bad roads; and state legislators and governors crying crocodile tears over how poor their roads are and how much repairing it’s going to take to update the infrastructure.

Who's behind window number one?

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour       al@motorwayamerica.com

The other day I was driving down the freeway (does anybody ever drive up the freeway?), singing to myself, “Do do, do do do do…life been good to me.” All of a sudden the BMW in front of me and one lane over starts jinking like a dogfight between an F-4 Phantom and a MiG 21.  Eventually he (or maybe she) must have realized that his (or her) Bimmer was weaving in and out of his (or her) lane because there was a sudden, jerky correction and the BMW stayed where it was.  I made a mental bet with myself that this dumbbell was probably on his (or her) cell phone and didn’t give two hoots to what was going on around him (or her). I also made a mental note to give him (or her) a hand gesture, just in case he (or she) was deaf.

When it comes to windshield wipers — don't play it again, Sam

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour       al@motorwayamerica.com

I’ve always been fascinated by windshield wipers. I can’t imagine being without them. I would firmly bet the life of any of you that more people use windshield wipers than they do turn signals.

Kids shouldn't need scuba gear to breathe in a car

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour      al@motorwayamerica.com

There’s plenty of room on my broad behind for things that gripe it, but taking center stage are children riding in vehicles – particularly infants – and the interior looks like they’re smokinghams at Oscar Mayer. This diatribe is not a rant on smoking…have at it. But if there are minors in that car…DON’T SMOKE ‘EM IF YOU GOT 'EM!!!

What we need in this country is cupholder consistency

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour      al@motorwayamerica.com

Q.)  The greatest automotive innovation is:
    a.)    Air Bags
    b.)    Disk Brakes
    c.)    Power Steering
    d.)    Seat Belts
    e.)    All of the above
     f.)    None of the above

I hate sunroofs!!

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour       al@motorwayamerica.com

As regular readers of my diatribes have probably determined, I’m filled with more hate than a Super Bowl filled with Detroit Lions season ticket holders. However, there are some things I find more hateful than others…and one of them is a car’s sunroof.  Call it what you want…a sunroof, moonroof or even a Marsroof…I hate them!

Red light districts don't belong in cars

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour      al@motorwayamerica.com

The second thing that goes as you get older is eyesight. Things multi-colored become more difficult to delineate. Thus I have always wondered what the sadistic benchmark is for hiring interior lighting designers. My biggest pet peeve when it comes to cockpit lighting is use of the color red. Especially when used over a dark background.

Who sets speed limits...Beavis & Butthead?

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour       al@motorwayamerica.com

I live in a state where drivers show little if any regard for speed limits. Speed limit signs are like figuring tips on restaurant checks…add 15%-20%. Why does this nation have one flag, one national anthem and even a self-proscribed national pastime…but yet we seem to have 50 different plans for speed limits? Whatever happened to consistency?

Get up to speed — or get out of my way!

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour      al@motorwayamerica.com

I seem to get behind a lot of vehicles that must be towing a loaded 53-foot trailer, because it sure takes them a long time to get up to speed. It must be punishment for childhood shenanigans. I am loath to know what I had done that earns me the personal distinction of trailing the only vehicles on the highway whose torque rating is in the low-single figures?