Diatribe

Sharing the highway with raccoons

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour   al@motorwayamerica.com

How many times have you been driving down the highway (does anybody drive up the highway?) at dusk — especially during inclement weather — and at the last minute you see a car coming toward you in the opposite lane at the last minute…because the head case doesn’t have his lights on? Or if there are lights on they’re dulled parking lights (wait a minute…the PC term for parking lights is now “fender lights.”).

Potholes deserve to die — you don't

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATIBE
By Al Vinikour   al@motorwayamerica.com

As near as I can tell pot holes serve one purpose; to remind us taxpayers how royally screwed we’ve been getting since highway maintenance became a “ward of the state.” Over the past several decades billions, if not trillions of dollars have been spent to allegedly improve the nation’s roads. Instead, all it has given us is a feel for what it must have felt like flying throughflack in a B-17.

The shortest distance between two points — across three lanes of traffic

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour   al@motorwayamerica.com

It’s been proven to me that I don’t hold a monopoly on hate — especially when it comes to annoying driving habits of others. One of my readers sent me an e-mail saying what ticks him off are the “idiot drivers” who cut across three lanes of traffic to turn left. I’ve written previous rants on similar subjects but for the good of my reading public (whom I depend on as an audience for my vitriol) I’m going to use this column to address this exact crime against humanity.

What's that blinking on my instrument panel?

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour  al@motorwayamerica.com

By now, regular readers of my diatribes know the two things I hate the most in this world…that creepy Burger King guy in their commercials…and people who don’t use turn signals. I have now added a third…people who don’t realize their turn signals are on.

Thighs matter

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour   al@motorwayamerica.com

There are some really beautiful vehicle interiors. Some have sleek center consoles while others have high-tech instrument panels and center stacks. Some others have creature comforts like lighted cupholders and ergonomically-friendly temperature controls. But some vehicle manufacturers have decided that thighs don’t matter if it interferes in any way with design.

Speedometers — Read ‘em or weep

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour  
al@motorwayamerica.com

Generally the majority of my day is spoken for. Some days I have an auto event to attend; sometimes I’m out of town; and still days others find me at home writing while watching reruns of Law & Order (pick one…there’s three separate series).  Sometimes I have already seen the episode at least once and if Sponge Bob Square Pants is also a rerun I’ll mull over auto-related items that frost my behind (some would say it would take the entire South Pole to find that much ice) and give me fodder for these Diatribe columns.

You can go blind from it

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikor

How many times have you been driving at night when all of a sudden you’re cursing the guy headed your way who has his bright lights on? You figure you’ll show this illegitimate son of someone who the boss is so you prepare to “fire a shot across his hood” with your own bright lights.

Train, train go away

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour   al@motorwayamerica.com

I really like my internist a lot. I’ve been a patient of his ever since I moved to Michigan over 20 years ago. He knows what buttons to push and gets a big kick out of holding political discussions with me to the point where my blood is beginning to boil…and then says, “Well, it’s time to take your blood pressure.”

Flying blind

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour  
al@motorwayamerica.com

It never ceases to amaze me how many people will leave their cars parked outside overnight, walk out the front door, start up the engine…and go. Not that there’s anything wrong with that…UNLESS IT’S WINTER AND THE CAR IS COVERED WITH ICE AND SNOW!!!
 

There's no such thing as 90-degree parking

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour  
al@motorwayamerica.com

One sure-fire giveaway that someone has a brand new car is to see a shiny vehicle parking perpendicular across two or there parking spaces. The presumable reason is to stop someone from parking too closely and putting a dent somewhere on this “prized asset.” Technically it makes sense. Somebody is proud of a vehicle that he or she has worked hard for and spent many thousands of dollars on. However, one thing these selfish fecal craniums fail to consider is that everybody in that parking lot has spent thousands of dollars or more on their own rides.