Signal your intentions you idiot!!!
DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour
It’s been awhile since I last did a rant against people who refuse to use turn signals. It’s not that I’ve lessened my hatred and disgust towards them; it’s just that I wanted to give my last few diatribes some time to see if the idea of actually using a device that’s given free with the purchase of a vehicle (and one whose use is mandated by law) caught on. The truth-be-told I’ve always been thought of as a balloon-headed dreamer and once again that description has been validated.
It may seem impossible but I think the situation has become more prevalent in the past year or so. I’ll be driving along in the right-hand lane and all of a sudden the vehicle in front of me will slow down to a crawl, and suddenly turn right. Did I realize this was going to happen? How the hell could I? I’m not a mind reader and this dummy didn’t put on his signal. By the time I realized it my car had snuck up on his like two dogs walking in a field.
Conversely, what good does it do to ride the left lane? Usually I try to do the speed limit when it comes to local roads. Not that I’m that law-abiding of a citizen I just realize how badly a policeman would feel having to stop me for driving too fast. Even though we have a fighting chance in Michigan because those turning left generally move into a middle lane that divides the opposite direction, often times someone will slow down and eventually get into the middle lane in order to turn. Meantime, you’ve slowed down to almost a crawl and everybody in the right-hand lane seems to be flying along without a care in the world.
I can’t wish enough bad things happen to those who continuously ignore using their turn signals. And I’m equally as irked with local law officers for not enforcing turn signal laws in their own communities. As I’ve often said, it’s bush league to lie in wait to give someone a ticket for doing 3.7345 miles over the speed limit when they could give failure to signal tickets all day long, bring a lot of revenue into their towns and at the same time make people think about adhering to the turn signal laws that are on the books. It’s a win-win for everybody except the dumb bass who constantly doesn’t use his signals.Just to give you an idea of how truly sick I am I’ll give you a little tour through my brain’s daily function during a drive. I’m zooming along a local four-lane highway and the guy in front of me proceeds to jam on his brakes. As he does so he makes a right-hand turn into a shopping mall. No indication, no signal, no nothing. I almost hit him and the two or three cars following me have to stop equally as quick because they had no prior warning that someone was going to turn.
After this son of a mother dog makes his turn and has generally received a horn blast from me out of frustration I can lower my blood pressure by realistically envisioning this person being tied up with acid-dipped handcuffs, beaten within an inch of his life with a strand of concertina wire and then tied to a railroad track to await the rushing of the 5:10 express from Yuma.
How about this, I’m an animal lover so I try to include these wonderful creatures into a lot of my fantasies. Let’s say that a car passes me and quickly pulls in front of me and then almost stops dead to make a turn - with no indication he’s going to do so. Wait until you hear this one. I’m not a praying man (or a praying mantis, for that matter), but if it would fulfill my wishes I would pray that this person would be getting out of his car after making this jackass move and as he walks up his driveway an escaped pack of feral dogs – mostly pit bulls – runs out from behind a copse of trees, knocks this loser to the ground and proceeds to rip him to shreds and completely eat his entrails; all this because this jerk didn’t have the decency nor the smarts to use his turn signals.
There is no excuse for failure to signal a turn. If you’re turn signals are inoperative then stick your arm out the window and state your intentions. You say your windows won’t roll down? Then break them and stick your arm out the shattered glass and show me which way you’re going to go. Do something, for God’s sake!
If law enforcement ever does start stopping people for failure to signal they should give the person a choice: either get a $15,327.31 ticket for each offense or devote one toe to the local College of Podiatry. If the person still is a habitual offender after losing all 10 toes then the next step is to lose his fingers and thumbs to the local School of Manicuring. Should this person still be a miscreant then he should be executed in the town square during the local 4H Fair. This is the one guarantee that no further offenses will be forthcoming from this fool.
Finally, to all of you who think I’m being harsh I have my own signal for you. As a matter of fact I have two of them, one in the middle of each hand.
Until next time, have a nice day.
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