Diatribe

Thanks for that nagging feeling

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour   

For the most part I think rear spoilers are pretty cool. They look sporty and actually can help a vehicle’s handling. But there’s one major flaw that some of them have, whether factory-installed or aftermarket…I DON’T WANT TO THINK THEY’RE CREEPING UP ON ME IN MY REARVIEW MIRROR!!! When I’m glancing rearward, I want to see if there are any other vehicles close enough to make me to cry out, “Danger, Will Robinson.”

It's 3 a.m., do you know where your life is?

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour  

There are many things I’ve done these past decades that I’ve wished I hadn’t wasted part of my life doing. It could be as mundane as taking a nap on a beautiful day when I wasn’t really tired, dated the ice princess from high school or watched a Detroit Lions game on television. I’ll never get that time back and I try not to think of all the things I could have done instead. But few things gripe my behind more than sitting at a stoplight in the middle of Pinhook, Indiana, at 3 a.m. when the only living things around are me and the unseen inmates that escaped that aft
ernoon from the La Porte County Lockup.

Sharing the highway with raccoons

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour  

How many times have you been driving down the highway (does anybody drive up the highway?) at dusk — especially during inclement weather — and at the last minute you see a car coming toward you in the opposite lane at the last minute…because the head case doesn’t have his lights on? Or if there are lights on they’re dulled parking lights (wait a minute…the PC term for parking lights is now “fender lights.”).

Wait your turn for crying out loud

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour    


Recently we had a lot of rain. I started having flashbacks to those thrilling days I spent on Guam during monsoon season. (And no, no matter what the locals think we weren’t seeding clouds with B-52s from Andersen AFB.) As luck would have it we had to drive about 40 minutes to the home of my beloved twin-grandsons for a Memorial Day cookout.

Potholes deserve to die — you don't

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATIBE
By Al Vinikour  

As near as I can tell pot holes serve one purpose; to remind us taxpayers how royally screwed we’ve been getting since highway maintenance became a “ward of the state.” Over the past several decades billions, if not trillions of dollars have been spent to allegedly improve the nation’s roads. Instead, all it has given us is a feel for what it must have felt like flying throughflack in a B-17.

Pick another place to die

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour  


Every morning when I wake up (or every afternoon, depending on how much insomnia I had the night before) I vow that today will be the day I learn patience…especially when driving. Do you know how long that pledge takes to break, Conan? About 1/3 the time it takes to overcome a New Year’s resolution (or my first mile or driving, whichever comes first).

Climbing Mount Bigfoot

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour   
al@motorwayamerica.com

A popular attraction for young and old alike are those monster truck shows that hard-of-hearing announcers promote in those incessant radio spots. I don’t know exactly what size tires those behemoths have — I’m guessing 450-inches…but then again I can’t tell the length of a foot if I had a ruler in my hand — but I’ve probably lived in smaller towns.

What's that blinking on my instrument panel?

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour 

By now, regular readers of my diatribes know the two things I hate the most in this world…that creepy Burger King guy in their commercials…and people who don’t use turn signals. I have now added a third…people who don’t realize their turn signals are on.

Thighs matter

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour   

There are some really beautiful vehicle interiors. Some have sleek center consoles while others have high-tech instrument panels and center stacks. Some others have creature comforts like lighted cupholders and ergonomically-friendly temperature controls. But some vehicle manufacturers have decided that thighs don’t matter if it interferes in any way with design.

There's no such thing as 90-degree parking

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour 

One sure-fire giveaway that someone has a brand new car is to see a shiny vehicle parking perpendicular across two or there parking spaces. The presumable reason is to stop someone from parking too closely and putting a dent somewhere on this “prized asset.” Technically it makes sense. Somebody is proud of a vehicle that he or she has worked hard for and spent many thousands of dollars on. However, one thing these selfish fecal craniums fail to consider is that everybody in that parking lot has spent thousands of dollars or more on their own rides.