DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour 

By now, regular readers of my diatribes know the two things I hate the most in this world…that creepy Burger King guy in their commercials…and people who don’t use turn signals. I have now added a third…people who don’t realize their turn signals are on.

DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour   

There are some really beautiful vehicle interiors. Some have sleek center consoles while others have high-tech instrument panels and center stacks. Some others have creature comforts like lighted cupholders and ergonomically-friendly temperature controls. But some vehicle manufacturers have decided that thighs don’t matter if it interferes in any way with design.

DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour 

One sure-fire giveaway that someone has a brand new car is to see a shiny vehicle parking perpendicular across two or there parking spaces. The presumable reason is to stop someone from parking too closely and putting a dent somewhere on this “prized asset.” Technically it makes sense. Somebody is proud of a vehicle that he or she has worked hard for and spent many thousands of dollars on. However, one thing these selfish fecal craniums fail to consider is that everybody in that parking lot has spent thousands of dollars or more on their own rides.

DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour  

I really like my internist a lot. I’ve been a patient of his ever since I moved to Michigan over 20 years ago. He knows what buttons to push and gets a big kick out of holding political discussions with me to the point where my blood is beginning to boil…and then says, “Well, it’s time to take your blood pressure.”

DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour  

It never ceases to amaze me how many people will leave their cars parked outside overnight, walk out the front door, start up the engine…and go. Not that there’s anything wrong with that…UNLESS IT’S WINTER AND THE CAR IS COVERED WITH ICE AND SNOW!!!
 

DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour  

You don’t need to spend a month at the Natural History Museum to study evolution. Perusing a biography of the automobile industry highlights one of the clearest examples. When the first cars were built they didn’t include windows. There generally was a roof of some sort…and no doubt the occupants had some way to try to block out inclement weather as they bounced down the rutted and sloppy dirt roads of the time. Umbrellas come to mind.

DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour 

This may come as a shock to you but there are a lot of things that irk me. One of them is the amount of people who wait until they’re in their car driving to their jobs before they work on their appearance. I’m going to give these people the benefit of the doubt and presume they’ve gone #1 and #2, taken baths or showers and gotten dressed before leaving home. However, when they close the door of their cars and turn on their own local version of “Morning Zoo Radio” they might as well put a barber pole or clever salon sign outside their vehicles.

DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour   al@motorwayamerica.com

Just like the ball dropping in Time’s Square to celebrate the New Year and robins marking the first signs of spring, so too are there tell-tale signs that designate the presence of a man mounting a mid-life crisis. Among the clues are: a bad toupee, dressing in the modern version of disco clothes, the presence of a buxom blonde barely out of high school and attending rock concerts and dancing with all the grace of Elaine Benes on Seinfeld. But the single, most visible indication of a mid-life crisis is what kind of vehicle he drives.

DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour   

Several years ago manufacturers came up with a safety device called a “ground illuminating mirror.” When putting the gearshift lever in reverse the outside rearview mirrors tilt downward. Its purpose is to make it easier to see if any small children or pets might be looming below the driver’s sight line.