DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour 

Car manufactures throughout the world often develop some great innovations that keep their customers happy. I’m not talking about massaging seats or even glove boxes with a cooling function to keep your pop cold (or “soda” if you are an Eastern, elite snob). I’m referring to the neatest technology since turn signals, anti-lock brakes and blind spot information systems — redundant controls located on steering wheels.

I love those things. Mostly they consist of audio controls and cruise control. You can change stations, modes or adjust the volume without ever having to take your eyes off the road. Depending on make and model, manufacturers have been adding things to their steering wheel control panels, like temperature adjustments, telephone connections and others I’m at a loss to think of now. Oh, Happy Day! But wait…there’s less!

As much as I love those things they can also be so frustrating you just want to run your vehicle into a speeding freight train!

What makes them so is the way manufacturers position them on the wheel. For instance, should they be set too high then you’ll more-than-likely hit the control with your hand and completely alter the radio station you’ve been enjoying. Or, if they’re set too low on the horn ring or center section (where the driver’s side jumps out) the chances are that IF you’re civil enough to use your turn signals then chances are you’ll knock the station out of adjustment again. See where I’m going with this, Captain de Gama?

Some manufacturers try to think they’re doing the user a favor by actually having little toggle switches on the wheel for audio controls. In a perfect world this would be ideal. However, if you’re ever looking for this perfect world it lies somewhere beyond Uranus.

Again, with controls set that high you’re going to find yourself listening to 50 Cent instead of the Mantovani album you’ve had been soothed to. You’re liable to be so influenced by what you’re hearing in an inadvertent rap song that you’ll go to a Wal-Mart and start blasting away on Aisle 5.

Sometimes a car maker will position the audio controls underneath the wheel, which I’ve always found to be less problematic and logistically-superior. You aren’t going to lose Lesley Gore and pick up Lady Ga Ga by mistake. Even tightly gripping the wheel won’t find you making a mistake with an “underhanded” set of controls.

Then again, sometimes there will be actual knob-shaped controls and other times there are square  tabs like on Ford steering wheels. My wife’s Fusion has the bars and I have to admit that I don’t make mistakes on them at all. But they’re also cut below the surface and on the horn ring itself so you’d have to be driving like Dumbo the Elephant in order to come close to hitting them erroneously.

If it’s a matter of room the controls don’t have to be so crammed in. Toyota’s cruise control is in a separate stalk located at the 4:00 position on the steering column. Very unobtrusive and conveniently tucked away where there’s no chance of a wrong move.

I suggest the next time designers and engineers get together to work on something that’s going to get a lot of use — because I think that every time I’ve ever driven a car or truck I’ve used the steering wheel — they conduct a clinic with people whose hands range from those as sausage-like as Cee Lo’s and those as bear-like as Shaq’s.

If neither one of them mistakenly press the wrong command then you know you’ve done a good job.