DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour      

The other day I was driving down the freeway (does anybody ever drive up the freeway?), singing to myself, “Do do, do do do do…life been good to me.” All of a sudden the BMW in front of me and one lane over starts jinking like a dogfight between an F-4 Phantom and a MiG 21.  Eventually he (or maybe she) must have realized that his (or her) Bimmer was weaving in and out of his (or her) lane because there was a sudden, jerky correction and the BMW stayed where it was.  I made a mental bet with myself that this dumbbell was probably on his (or her) cell phone and didn’t give two hoots to what was going on around him (or her). I also made a mental note to give him (or her) a hand gesture, just in case he (or she) was deaf.

However…I never got the opportunity to “sign” my comment because when I pulled along side this German machine…I was looking at a reflection of myself! The windows were tinted so heavily it looked like the London blackout in WWII. Forget the fact that I was cheated out of voting on the skills of his (or her) driving. As far as I could determine, Claude Raines was driving that car.

I thought having windows tinted so heavily you couldn’t see inside was illegal? What about the poor police officer who would feel his life was being threatened because he didn’t know what he was going to encounter from the driver of the vehicle he just pulled over? As I understood it, that was the intent of passing such a law in the first place. Apparently it is being enforced with the same zeal as issuing citations to drivers who don’t use turn signals. There’s only one way an errant car owner is going to get the message.

If a police officer approaches a vehicle whose windows are almost pitch black, said police officer should be totally within the law to crouch down below window level, fling the driver’s-side door open and empty the magazine of his Glock 17 at anyone inside the car. Should the officer still feel threatened because he’s detected movement behind the steering wheel, the policeman will be mandated to toss in a hand grenade to totally remove that threat – perceived or otherwise.

I realize this might seem a bit extreme…but as I was once instructed by the late Chicago-based mobster Mickey Battaglia when I was his mailman in the early-‘60s, “If you have a problem you take care of it…NOW” Until the public understands laws are not passed just because the Legislature has nothing better to do (I may have to rethink this), miscreants are going to have to pay a severe penalty.

Maybe the windows were originally tinted black because of a typical 147-degree day during an Arizona summer. However, with the technical expertise of glass manufacturers there’s no reason the windows couldn’t be tinted from the inside, allowing clear visibility for anyone on the outside. It’s bad enough as illustrated in the example above that sometimes entire families will be blown away because of the insensitivity of whomever had the windows blackened…but what about the occasion where some innocent cat might be riding in the family sedan and in the flash of one measly grenade loses all nine of his lives?  Talk about life not being fair!

Next time it’s the middle of the afternoon and you’re passing a vehicle where you’re unable to see inside, think of the probable reasons why the windows are blacked out.

Stop playing car glass hide and seek. Obey the law and save the life of a policeman…not to mention the lives of your own family.

I generally don’t write public service announcements but I felt compelled to do so in this case, after all the life I save could be....