Retro — The world through rose colored glasses
DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour
For some time now it seems that “retro” has worked its way into the U.S. vernacular. Actually it has been around since there was something before — it. Automobile-wise there was a trilogy of retro cars that came out about the same time several years ago; Mustang, Challenger and Camaro. They all bore some resemblance to the same nameplates of the 60s and 70s — some more than others. Personally, I think the Dodge Challenger bears the strongest resemblance to its original roots. Camaro does as well but the new incarnation is much bulkier than its predecessor. Mustang has always resembled Mustang so the consistency is more than welcome. And it wasn’t just the Domestics that played this game, either. Volkswagen successfully did it with the new version of its historic production, the New Beetle. Now the New Beetle has been replaced by the — oh my, the Beetle. Does that mean its retro-retro?
A group of us auto journalists were shooting the breeze about bringing back names that harken back to the “golden age” of cars and trucks. Obviously the aforementioned three were at the top of the list but then we all took turns bring up names that could possibly be recycled. For instance, wouldn’t it be fun to learn of a new, sub-compact Chevrolet two-door that’s been named “Corvair?” Talk about a built-in family, the Corvair name could be used for light pickup trucks and vans – just like the original expansion of the little guy’s line.
Someone else commented that with Chrysler’s waning list of vehicle lines it might be “heartwarming” to bring back the name “DeSoto.” Just like the original DeSoto that fit so comfortably between the Chrysler and Plymouth lines, so, too, could a return of the DeSoto nameplate rest at ease between the Chrysler 300 and the Chrysler 200. And, Dodge could adopt the segment line to fill the Charger-Avenger gap and name the vehicle the “Cortez,” “de Leon” or some other explorer’s name. (Case in point they could name it the “Patricia” after my first wife who discovered after 20 years of marriage that she wanted to “discover” a boyfriend.)
Still another questioned the efficacy of bringing back the “Continental” name. Most of us would equate that name to a Lincoln but the closest a Lincoln now gets to a Continental is being parked next to a Bentley Continental GT at a Wal-Mart parking lot. As long as we’re obviously discussing the Ford lineup someone wadded up his candy bar wrapper and asked if it were feasible to once more bring back the heralded “Thunderbird” moniker? Of course it is — just like it’s possible to develop a new automobile line that rivals General Motors for size and name it Jurassic Park. Under the JP umbrella could be such individual names as T-Rex, Stegosaurus, Brontosaurus and true must-have of the family, the Deinosuchus. Right now Ford doesn’t have a model called the Thunderbird. The name tried a comeback in the first decade of the 21st Century and has about as much success at the 22nd year of my 20-year marriage to the above-mentioned first wife. To even bring it out now would probably put a burden on a new vehicle no matter how special it was.
While I would bet your life that the Edsel name will never come back as a line or individual model…and the Aztek will never see the light of day until after the next meteor attack of Earth. There are historical names and lines I truly do expect to see again someday in however much time I have left in my pathetic lifetime. For instance, I fully expect to see the return of Mercury — most likely as a model in the Lincoln line. I expect to see the return of Pontiac as well. Plymouth has a better-than-even chance of seeing daylight again someday. I must say in all honestly that these last three won’t return until all the lawsuits from families and former franchisees are settled and the parties have all “gone into real estate” if you catch my drift. At one time the Oldsmobile brand could have rejoined Pontiac but at this point more dead people than live ones would think fondly of that once-great division. Same reason I don’t expect to ever see Kaiser, Frazier, Henry J, Crosley, Nash, Hudson and Packard.
Although being a member of the “Golden Year’s Club” does signify a daily battle against the evils of incontinence it also has its advantages, like recalling the great (and not-so-great) vehicles that have come and gone during one’s advanced lifetime that allows one to write “Remember When” columns like this one. For all I know this entire column reads like a “What the Hell?” piece from the Journal of the American Psychiatric Association but at least I’m making sense to myself and putting a smile on my face.The bottom line is that the automobile industry has well over 100 years of history, including a wealth of memorable names (more than 10,000) that are available for recycling. It isn’t necessary to depend on a computer to bring up some kind of made-up name like “Pheenyxx” or something equally as stupid. Archives have a real worth.
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