DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour       al@motorwayamerica.com

Just who determines where to position a vehicle’s ignition switch? I’ll tell you my suspicion…a Transformer, that’s who. No one with opposable thumbs and a normally-articulated wrist could have been responsible.

If you’re old enough to require a fiber supplement you probably remember when ignition switches used to be located on the dashboard – most often on the left side. Some of them even had lights. There was only one way to insert the key but yet a bat could see where it went.

DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour  al@motorwayamerica.com

In my capacity as a future Nobel laureate in the field of automotive journalism I find myself in California at least once a month to drive new vehicles in a number of real-world environments so I can write articles about them. If I’d only been there once I’d still be just as frightened by a phenomenon I’ve only experienced in the Golden State…motorcycles splitting lanes.

DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour   al@motorwayamerica.com

Generally the majority of my day is spoken for. Some days I have an auto event to attend; sometimes I’m out of town; and still days others find me at home writing while watching reruns of Law & Order (pick one…there’s three separate series).  Sometimes I have already seen the episode at least once and if Sponge Bob Square Pants is also a rerun I’ll mull over auto-related items that frost my behind (some would say it would take the entire South Pole to find that much ice) and give me fodder for these Diatribe columns.

DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour    

Just because I primarily listen to talk radio and/or news programs people assume I’m not a fan of music. Sure I am and always have been. Though I can’t understand one thing that Dr. Dre, Iced T or Busta Rhyms says, it must resonate somewhere because today’s youth are infatuated with the noise they call music. Far from being an old square I’ve still maintained my collection of records from hip artists like Perry Como, Eddie Fisher and Sheb Wooley.

DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour

How many times have you been driving on a freeway and you’re coming up to a construction zone where one or more lanes are being temporarily shut down. You’re paying your dues, sticking to the lane you’re supposed to be in, when all of a sudden you’re “strafed” at your nine o’clock position, not by a Messerschmitt or a MiG…but by a bandit in a Lexus!

DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour      al@motorwayamerica.com

The second thing that goes as you get older is eyesight. Things multi-colored become more difficult to delineate. Thus I have always wondered what the sadistic benchmark is for hiring interior lighting designers. My biggest pet peeve when it comes to cockpit lighting is use of the color red. Especially when used over a dark background.

DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour  al@motorwayamerica.com

Alright, Readers…it’s time for a pop quiz.

Question — When it comes to listening to the noise of an exhaust can I would rather:
      A)  Be yelled at by my ex-wife
      B)  Stick my head inside an engine nacelle on a B-52
      C)  Be molested by that creepy Burger King guy
      D)  Watch a Sponge Bob Square Pants marathon
      E)  All of the above

DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour    al@motorwayamerica.com

Ever since the first person had his body crushed in a car accident safety has been a high priority among the world’s auto manufacturers. Some have even made it a company charter, like Volvo. Through the years hundreds of thousands…if not millions of lives have been saved through safety innovations like three-point seat belts, airbags, crumple zones and various vehicle advancements like anti-lock brakes, all-wheel drive and all-weather tires.