Servicing your vehicle shouldn't be a guessing game

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DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour 

My life has generally been filled with wonder…like “I wonder where my Great Grandfather hid the matzah?” or “Where are those hidden Easter eggs?” (Alright…so I hedged my bets.) Or the most important question, “What if we get caught.” But the most consistently unanswered question is, “Where is the hood latch?”


You’d think that after 100 years an industry would at least show some consistency for something. Such has not been the case when it comes to raising a hood. To be fair there has been some compatibility, at least as far as popping the hood itself. Somewhere to the driver’s left-hand side is a lever that will do the job. Then it’s a simple matter of stepping out of the vehicle and finding the lever to open the outside latch to finish lifting the hood. That is…it should be a simple matter. In what is probably the ultimate act of sadism on the part of engineers, few hood latches are in the same place.

For instance, it would make perfect sense to have the latch in the center of the hood. Guess again, Jennifer. Some are in the center, but others are on the side, some are on the left or right side and before bumpers were made of silly putty, some were above the bumper and below the grille. Still others were located in the grille itself.

Granted, I’m from Indiana and we Hoosiers
don’t have the reputation of skewing Mensa’s demographics. But when I’ve literally had to go to the owner’s manual to find out where the manufacturer has hidden the outside latch, that’s asking a lot. First of all…who reads owner’s manuals? It’s like asking you to “please try my product.” Secondly…I’m surprised the ACLU hasn’t brought a suit against the manufacturer on behalf of those who can’t read. Surely there’s some Congressman who wants to sign his name to a piece of legislation no matter how silly it is…and passing a law that car companies to have their hood latches in the same place would be just the ticket.

As long as I have more space to fill there’s another inconsistency in automobile manufacturing that gripes me. What side of the car is the gasoline filler door located? Many manufacturers have actually put a directional arrow on the fuel gauge itself that’s most helpful, and for that I’ll always be grateful. However, for those cruel enough not to give us a clue, a pox upon your production line.

I will admit that a 50/50 chance seems like decent odds. However, when you’re at a crowded gas station and you make the wrong decision of where your filler tank is, the next few minutes could be the situation that heart attacks were made for. How many times have you pulled into a pump, gotten out of the car…and then realize the fuel door is on the other side…and the hose won’t reach? I’ve known toilet words since I was a small child hanging around my father’s junkyard, but situations like I’ve just mentioned taught me to put those words in a fluid sentence.

I’m sure there’s a design reason for the failure to have all the fuel doors on the same side of the vehicle. I don’t want to hear it!!! The next time you’re all attending the Annual International Fuel Door Society Seminar and Trade Show in Rolla, Missouri, make it the platform of the Society to strive for consistency and make it mandatory to design vehicles with the filler tanks on the same side for all of them.

It’s the kind of program that Nobel Prizes are awarded for.