DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour 

Let’s say you’ve packed the family into the old truckster and you’re headed down to a car dealer to buy a new vehicle. What should be a happy adventure generally ends up requiring tranquilizers and/or adult beverages. Granted, most of those occurrences – though far from urban legend – are things of the past…mostly because the economy and the customer has demanded it. But for those of us who are a certain age the memories are loud and clear.

Case in point: let’s say that your name is Jim-Bob and you’ve decided to buy a new car. Your current vehicle has just over 100,000 miles on the odometer and even though it’s in relatively good mechanical shape it’s getting long in the tooth and needs to be replaced. You and your wife Bunny prance down to the dealership of a manufacturer who builds vehicles you’ve become attracted to.

You tell the salesman – appropriately named “Buzz” – what you want and after writing down your wish list he starts suggesting things to add, like advanced safety features, a 30-speaker audio system, extended warranties, upgraded tires, an upgraded trim level and anything else he’d like to see you buy. After all…Buzz has a family and a girlfriend to support and since he’s on commission money is the mother’s milk of his existence.

After looking at Buzz’s suggestions you realize he’s added about 25% to the bottom line of your vehicle. You start paring the additions that he made and you’re finally back at the original price you had figured. However…Buzz then tells you that the price he quoted is only available if you order some (if not all) of the options he’s “suggested.” At this point Jim-Bob and Bunny have had it with this conniving schmuck and get up to walk out. Buzz starts to panic (or at least looks like he’s ready to panic; don’t forget that he’s been at this for a long time) and says, “Wait. Wait a minutes. Let me talk to my manager and see if I can get you a special price.”

The couple eagerly awaits his answer and he said that he has spent the last 10 minutes arguing with his manager to make a special price for them. The boss came down a little but not enough to offset the additional equipment Buzz said would have to be purchased to even be near the original price quote. It was still about 10% higher than they had originally considered and again, they start to walk out.

Buzz, once more, begs them to wait and give him one more chance. They agree and he walks back to his manager’s office. Another cup of coffee ensues and finally he walks back to rejoin Jim-Bob and Bunny with a smile on his face. He informs them that he threatened to leave the company if he wasn’t allowed to offer the vehicle for the lowest price quoted. Being the top salesman at the dealership he has some clout. The manager finally relented…but held firm on having to purchase some of the protective extras. They finally agreed because the extra 5% they’ll be paying sounds a lot cheaper than the 25% increase that Buzz originally quoted. Sticker shock in reverse.

This one-act-play…along with other tricks of the trade like, “I know you want to buy this vehicle,” or “what would it take to for you to take delivery of this vehicle today?” or the old line, “I’ll throw in (fill in the blank).”

Thankfully those days are seemingly gone. The dealer network downsizing has put more pressure on those remaining dealerships to exhibit professionalism, honesty and customer service. (Please don’t barf on your computer.) Even if the vehicle is ultimately purchased at a dealership with a less-than-desirable atmosphere there’s nothing that commands any service work be done there. That used to be one of the perks of working for an automobile manufacturer…buying a vehicle on their “A” or “X” plans.

There is no haggling because otherwise they would lose their privileges — which could run into millions per year. Once it’s been determined that the customer will be purchasing the vehicle on one of those two plans (one is for direct employees and their immediately families…the other is for “friends” of manufacturing employees, suppliers, etc.) the salesman has to produce the original dealer invoice and work with that bottom line. Now, with the industry in such flux, dealers are making the same sales without the necessity of the purchaser producing documentation from the manufacturer.

Generally I portray villains out of everybody and everything. This rant is a little different. It’s giving a passing grade to a would be former villain…but sending the subliminal message that those thrilling days of yesteryear can be revisited quickly if the dealer and its sales staff haven’t learned its lesson by now. As for Jim-Bob and Bunny, even if you find a likely place to purchase your next vehicle always remember it’s your money until you sign the contract and “buyer beware.”

Be smart and do the research before you head out the door of your house. Don’t expect a dealer to sell you a car without a profit, after all that’s why he/she is in business. Be fair and expect to be treated fairly. Walk away if you’re not happy. Most dealers play the game straight today, and that’s good. Buying a new vehicle is a thrill for most, if you’re still happy after three days you’ll know where to send your friends.

Don’t expect to see many “rants of kindness” in this space. But as I sit here musing I’m already seeing some vitriol on the horizon. LOOK OUT…ALL OF YOU!!!