DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour     

As an automotive journalist, industry observer and all-around nudge, I’m constantly looking for things to comment on (read, “complain about”). This past week has given me all kinds of new material. This column will be on how far rear doors open. For all you Mensa applicants another way of putting it would be to wonder how close to 90 degrees that door is going to expand.

What prompted this was my wife’s participation in our community’s semi-annual garage sale that’s held in the spring and fall. (Just to show you the mentality of our town’s leaders, the spring sale is in April and the fall sale is in August. Though it technically may be spring, try telling that to the people who shy away from shopping just because of a little snow and a freezing temperature.)

In any event, being the idiot husband I’ve been tasked with “importing” potential sale items from my mother-in-law’s house and my daughter’s house. For instance, one of the items we’re trying to sell this time around is a pre-lit Christmas tree.

I went to pick it up in the press vehicle I’m evaluating this week — a very nice car. However, the rear doors opening barely far enough to allow a fat person to get in or out of the backseat. Consequently, I couldn’t slide the box across the rear seat. Going through the trunk wouldn’t work either because the trunk wasn’t deep enough nor the slide-through top low enough.

So, we wound up taking my wife’s car over and, “What ho!!!!”…the door opened just wide enough…and the dimensions are just big enough to slide the box across the seat and crush both ends of the box when the doors were closed (causing little, if any damage). This got me to thinking (which at times is painful). Why can’t there be some standard degree that rear seat doors open?

As mentioned, the closer to 90 degrees the better off the vehicle owner would be to accommodate people and stuff. The average car owner doesn’t need the 168 degrees that some pickups have implemented. By definition a truck is a work machine so there are often needs to have an expansion as vast as some of them have, but you don’t see one that big in a Chevy Cruze for example.

However, it would be awfully nice to be able to easily slide in and out of the rear seat of that same Chevy Cruze without having to reverse-cocoon one’s self. This isn’t just beneficial for buffet eaters. Some people have really long legs or are just plain tall. 

I know what you’re thinking; “Al, if doors opened 90 degrees then how could it be possible for rear-seaters to get out of the vehicle in a crowded parking lot?” Truth is, you have choices, dummy! Either don’t open the rear doors all the way or find a more accessible-friendly parking space or look for a place you can parallel park.

“But I’m no good at parallel parking, Al. What am I to do?” For God’s sake grow up! Don’t look to me for all the answers needed for the meaning of life! If you can’t parallel park then Ford Motor Company will provide you with a car that can and it will do so without ever putting a scratch on your vehicle or the other cars or trucks in this scenario.

“But ah — I can’t afford a Lincoln or a Flex.” Oh, please shut up!!!! If you can afford to bellyache to me about this stupid problem then you can afford the cost of a Ford Focus…and yes you can get a park-assist option in this cost-friendly car.”   

So you see, my dear readers, for every problem there is a solution. Put another way, for every door that shuts, another one opens — it just may not open 90 degrees.