DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour  

Usually I bellyache about a lot of things….and I’ve got the belly to do it, believe me. However, every once-in-a-while a group of road warriors deserves recognition and I’m just the man to do that, too. Today’s (rare) plaudits go to those Knights of the Highway and occasional blockers of the left lane – America’s truck drivers.

My overall respect for truckers is endless and of that I’m telling the truth. Regular readers of my columns will know that I was born and raised in the great state of Indiana, and my family owned auto junkyards until I was 16. This was before interstates and toll roads, so state roads and the occasional national highways were the paths across the country.

We’d get a lot of over-the-road truckers who would stop in and buy car radios to use in their cabs to while away the lonely millions of miles these guys drove in a career. (I say “guys” because back then women truckers were about as rare as an “A” on my report cards.)

I got to the point where I could identify what kind of truck was driving by the junkyard just by the sound of it. Those were the halcyon days of International’s Emeryville Diesels, Mack’s B-61 Thermodyne Diesels and twin-screw Brockways and K-Whoppers. My best friend’s father drove an 18-wheeler for a circulation company in Chicago. I rode with him one time and was amazed at how adept he was at handling that beast.

Truth is, I’m still amazed at how skillful the drivers of 18-wheelers are. In some circles truck driving has been looked at as a “lazy man’s job,” or “a career for the uneducated.” To both those comments I say b@#$%^&t!!! I’ve flown B-52s and B-1Bs and would rather fly them in combat than drive a Freightliner pulling a 53’ Fruehauf trailer during a blizzard.

I can’t imagine anything more frightening than to be rolling down an icy interstate and looking out the window of the cab and seeing your trailer coming up to say “hello.” Jackknifing is the bane of truckers everywhere and short of losing its brakes coming out of Donner Pass, the most dangerous event a driver could encounter.

I recall once driving east on I-94, just entering into Michigan, during a heavy blizzard (as is common in lake-effect snow areas). Headed the opposite way I noticed a tractor-trailer start to jackknife and I will never forget the look of sheer terror on the driver’s face as he tried to make a better scenario for himself as he slid off the road. I’m sure he was a veteran of several million miles but sometimes Mother Nature has it in for Will, Sonny and the rest of the nation’s truck drivers and tries to mess with them. 

Not to take away from the equal skills of a commercial airline pilot, a high-time airplane driver will log maybe 20,000 hours during his career. An aggressive trucker can do that in less than five years – and still be less than 30 years of age. There’s not much except for the occasional flying saucer that these people haven’t seen in their careers on the road (and fatigue will cause them to see even more than a flying saucer).

I would honestly say that at least 95% of them are decent people and should have the respect they deserve. Countless lives in hazardous circumstances have been saved by the courtesy, experience and professionalism of these drivers. Start thinking of them as such. Also, how many of you can back a 53’ trailer into a space with 5” clearance on each side just by using your rearview mirrors? I thought so!

Being fair and balanced I want to address the 5% or less of those truckers who drive for Satan himself. (Hey…if God can be thanked for being responsible for music and sports feats then the Devil can own a trucking company, can’t he?) How many times have you been driving on an interstate highway and you move into the left lane to pass two or three 18-wheelers driving in tandem in the right-hand lane?

Just as you get up to the grouping one of the trailing trucks pulls over into the left lane (granted, they generally use their turn signal but still pop over at the last minute, anyway). Depending on the terrain you’re looking at spending the next 10 minutes – or five or more miles…whichever comes first — waiting for this truck to pass his colleague. Chances are he’s only going 1-2 mph faster. Furthermore, if you’re on a hilly stretch of road you can probably double the times I’ve mentioned.

Coincidence? Maybe. Likelihood? Not much. There are those sadistic gear-jammers who think it’s a hoot to mess up their fellow roadies. I’ve had truck drivers tell me they sometimes do this as a blocker for the car(s) behind them because they know the lane ends nearby. Next time I’m in my office at the Brooklyn Bridge (which I recently purchased at a steal) I’ll run the numbers on my computer but right now let’s say I’m dubious.

There’s also a lot of lane-swerving, due primarily to the driver being on his cell phone. Still, I’d more trust a professional truck driver with a World War II Motorola radio that requires two hands to operate than some “civilian” driving a Plymouth while talking on his phone.

Okay…there you have it. All you other “specialty groups” who think that maybe they’ll get a sympathetic reading from me might as well request the sheet music to “Dixie” and whistle it because it’s ain’t gonna happen.