DRIVER'S SIDE DIATRIBE
By Al Vinikour   al@motorwayamerica.com

I don’t know how long I’ve been an automotive journalist but I know it’s been awhile. Probably the first three or four decades are lost because of John Barleycorn (that rotten…!) but however long it has been I’ve been bellyaching about the positioning of the cruise control stalk on Mercedes-Benz vehicles.

It’s been situated above the turn signal arm so unless you really concentrated hard you’d inadvertently engage cruise control when you had meant to put on your right turn signal. This, in turn, created a sudden acceleration that could be catastrophic.

Criticism of this flaw has come from almost the entire auto journalism community and you can bet your lederhosen that we weren’t the only group to call attention to this. However, true to its Germanic stubbornness Mercedes-Benz said it was something one had to get used to.

They indicated that their studies stated it was the best place for the lever because it is mandatory that the hands be positioned at the 10 o’clock and 2 o’clock position though now they admit what they meant to say, was the 9 and 3 position. I’m sure there have been thousands of smashed-up cars in body shops whose owners would highly disagree with the original premise.

So you can imagine my shocked delight last month [July] when I attended the ride/drive event of the 2012 Mercedes-Benz M-Class vehicles near Missoula, Montana, when during the product demonstration one of the Mercedes engineers mentioned the repositioning of the cruise control arm to its new home below the turn signal stick. I had him repeat this bit of news twice because I couldn’t believe my ears. I wanted to pull out my flugelhorn and play a Strauss waltz. I felt like a small child on the first day of Hanukkah.

And then, as if to make the joy complete, this same presenter indicated that the entire Mercedes-Benz line was going to have its cruise control stalk changed to a less-problematic position. I suddenly feel like my life has finally had meaning.


Old style, turn signal arm below cruise control        New style, turn signal above cruise

Throughout my time on this side of the dirt I’ve seldom had people listen to me, be they children, employees, radar cops, etc. But in my own sick, twisted and tormented mind I now feel that at least a decade of rebuke had suddenly bore fruit.

As my driving partner and I headed out to our vehicles for a several-hundred mile trek through the Montana landscape I let him drive first because I just wanted to prolong the warm glow I was in the midst of from our product presentation (and at the same time, praying I wasn’t experiencing my first bout of incontinence).

So what’s the first thing this dumb ass does? We’re driving down this beautiful, open highway and he goes to put the cruise control on but he’s so used to the previous Mercedes cruise control arm that he turns the upper arm to the right and puts on the turn signal! (I don’t want to mention his name but you know who you are, Keith.)

I still don’t know if I’m a firm believer in Santa Claus but I’m now a subscriber to the “Christmas in July” celebration. With this major obstacle removed the path is clear for Mercedes to finally become one of the world’s truly great luxury vehicles.